10 days late i know, but it still feels unreal? i don't know what to say. everything i sacrificed paid off in the end, but my journey has doesn't end here, see you all at the internationals.
15th april - 26th april pelatnas 2 experience i guess this is mostly a continuation of pelatnas 1 complaints im not gonna lie, the grading is still shit and sometimes i really just think when im inside those walls, it makes me think of killing myself because of how useless doing this stupid bullshit really is. arguing and working overtime over something that will probably not make a big of an impact on myself, but atleast i got to know how to do presentation better in english even though its really embarassing me sometimes. also inside those walls i taught myself that actually, dopamine is really useful and really moving everything man, like damnnnn. entertainment actually matters to everything and really just generally being happy matters in life, not locking myself up in the same place for 10 days and then also not getting anytime outside with the sun actually ruined my physical health and also my mental health i swear to god bro this shit was so fucked i started to just sleep r...
i... didn't actually loved her, i only loved the feeling of distraught she gave me, that feeling gave me some kind of sense of humanity (?) . i clung to it, even though i actually don't really care about her.. as a matter of fact, i never actually really cared for anyone, i have never loved my past exes (yeah this one is right actually) which is crazy to think about, because i don't feel any sympathy for any of them. sometimes i feel like my humanity's eroding, and i become more and more ... disinterested? fuck this is all so weird to me. i know other people also feel this way, because the experience of life is just basically almost the same for everyone, there is no "original" experience. maybe one day i can regain the feeling of sympathy and humanity that i once had (? what the fuck? what is wrong with me.) (edgy as hell). because right know i just can't afford to give a goddamn shit about anyone except my family, really all i care about is my family a...
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